We Don’t Have Time For Drawing Anymore. . . . .

Morning all,

     So today is not a funny day, or even an amusing day because the bailout plan to save Wall Street’s Ass yesterday was rejected by Congress. I will say something that is not popular with a lot of politicians right now . . . We Are In Deep SHIT.

     We are heading for a great depression people, a very scary, save every penny, no buying new anything time. I being a young and sometimes uninformed citizen got a little more informed yesterday. Many people are asking what this means to them individually. Well for starters layoffs, at this point no ones job seems safe. I believe massive layoffs are going to come soon for many companies. Again only my opinion.

     This bailout if it doesn’t happen then what? Banks go under? Or your mortgage gets revoked because the lender can’t afford to put up the money for you anymore? Well I know a lot of you give me crap for being very critical of John McCain, but wake up! Up until two weeks ago John has been quoted saying how economy is good, and strong. Do you think any aspect of our economy is strong? I work in sales, trust me it hasn’t been strong in quite awhile.

     This is also a man who yesterday said he was calling on Congress to “go back to the drawing board” . . . . John I am going to say this as nicely as I can, we don’t have fricken time for the drawing board anymore. We need action, we need results, we need a solution.

     Will this influence your decision when voting? Because I have a preference to elect a president who is not delusional . . . Hey if you support John McCain and you think he will make a great President that is your right as a voter, but do we really want someone who pretended nothing was happening until the shithit the fan? I am not saying Barack would fix everything, but having a few billion dollars to put into the economy instead of a war would probably be helpful. 

     Start saving, stop spending, try and pay your debt off, try to enjoy your quality of life. This is all I have right now., but hopefully we will learn more in the next few days about what else the bailout means to us as individuals as well as a nation as a whole.

Till Next Time,

HG

I Gave You The Finger, And You Gave It Away!

A little side note today . . .

     For my sister’s birthday this year I went to the cubs game with her and her friends in Chicago (yay). I wanted to buy something for M (it’s something we do at cubs games) so in addition to his little gift I got her a super awesome fantastic foam finger . . .

GO CUBS!!!

     Now I thought this would be fun, and it was. I will say many a person on the street in Wrigleyville was violated with that finger, not to mention I think it brought our cheering enthusiasm up a notch (also helping was Old Style). Now imagine my surprise when my sister brought the finger to the game this weekend up in Milwaukee (awesome!). I thought “wow” this finger made of foam must mean a lot to her.

     Now I thought this and I was touched . . . until my sister gave away the foam finger to a fricken unknown kid who ate most of Jake’s (my sweet cousin) peanuts. Now I am all for kids, but dude you just gave away a partial birthday gift. . . IN FRONT OF ME. This puts the thought in your head . . .

Would I be able to wrestle the finger away from the kid?

Is it right to wrestle a kid?

Can I go to jail for stealing a foam finger I originally bought?

Am I the biggest douchebag alive for wanting to “steal” back a fricken FOAM  FINGER? (hey it says cubs)

The answer to all of these questions is irrelevant because I will always hold a special place for that foam finger forever, but I am sure the kid will enjoy it especially because he didn’t pay $8 for it outside Wrigley while braving the one hundred degree heat. He got it for free from a cute girl (KQ) at Wrigley North (a.k.a Miller Park)!

Till Next Time,

HG

Locklear Mugshot, “Worth It?”

Good Morning All!!!!

     So unfortunately Miss Heather Locklear was arrested over the weekend for DUI citing not alcohol, but prescription drugs. Whenever this happens don’t you just want to slap people and say what the hell were all those bitch fights and makeout sessions on Melrose Place if not to pay for a fricken CAB, or be it a limo. Even though it is extremely upsetting that people never learn I do find one thing about this extraordinarily HILARIOUS . . .

HER HAIR

     Beotch is the spokesperson for LOREAL HAIR COLOR, yup hair color and her roots look like they been a growing for while now. So Heather what the hell lady (your not looking anywhere in the neighborhood of worth it). Get your crap together, stop injecting crap in your face and go to the salon. Maybe even throw in a pedicure because if your roots look like that (WTF) then what do your feet look like? This would be like if Julianne Moore was arrested and all of a sudden had more lines and wrinkles on her face that a shar pei (cute little puppy). Anywho time for me to get to work and stop being Beotch Mc’Beotcherson. Have a good day all!

Till next time,

HG

What the Hell . . .

Morning all,

     Ok so for those of you who have read my blog you know I got to ride in an ambulance this week (not fun) and that I am still sporting some wicked bruises from the IV and blood being drawn. I as supposed to schedule a follow up visit and had so far neglected to until last night when . . . attack of the killer chest pains occurred again. So after feeling like I was going to die for 15 minutes I decided to make an appointment today with my doctor to find out why my chest is clear boycotting something going on in there (traitor). I have however come up with a list of things it might be (webmd.com is a scary place) so here goes . . .

1. I am a real life tin man (woman). Which would mean my chest is hurting because I have no heart.
2. The small weird alien from Space Balls the movie (awesome!) has somehow found it’s way into my chest and is now getting ready to break out.
3. I have lung cancer (morbid I know, but I used to smoke and I am a realist).
4. I love M so much “it hurts” (this is only crap that people say in movies)
5. I literally am a “heart breaker”.

     These are just a few things I can think of right now, but if you peeps have any suggestions please let me know. Otherwise I will keep you posted, unless I kick the bucket then please check my sister’s blog and she will tell you. Later beotchs!

I have added a visual of #2, this is a good example of how the pains feel, enjoy.

 

Till Next Time (hopefully),

HG

I got a ride… in an ambulance!!!

So I am at home today resting, because apparently my chest decided to mutiny yesterday.I was at work sitting in my office (cube) and my chest started to hurt. . . I didn’t really start to worry until I looked up my symptoms on www.webmd.com and the results were basically CALL 911!!!!! So I started thinking maybe this is serious, but then I stopped thinking when my fricken arm went numb!

So ten minutes later I was in the security office in my building where five paramedics have somehow have given me enough aspirin and nitro to drug me up, as well as give me the good news that I would need to take my shirt off to have an ekg . . . . really? So I said sure, as soon as they took off theirs. So do you think that worked… nope and now shirtless and still freakin out I am given the good news that I need to go to the hospital, JOY.

One ambulance ride later (no they didn’t let me drive)

So after four hours, a lovely IV, a nebulizer treatment, x-rays, multiple tests, and a very heated argument with a spikey haired nurse (she was a wench, when I need to pee, I need to pee beotch. The word bedpan does not exist in my vocabulary) I was released to go home which continued pain as the doctor believed it is either anxiety or a possible virus. So I am at home today, and drugged up, but fine. So for everyone who called thank you! I am not in the holy land yet . . .
Till Next Time (if I make it)

HG

Whats with the Jesus Candle?

Morning,

     So I went to Dominicks (sweet Midwestern grocery store) yesterday to grab some stuff for dinner (chicken on the grill yum!), and lunches this week. I was walking down the store aisle when suddenly I looked up and there he was in all his glory . . . . .  Jesus . . . seriously.

     Please tell me why there is a need for Jesus candles in the grocery store, like do people put this on their list? Um salt, check. Ah turkey and cheese from the deli, check. Hot sauce, check. Um Blue Jesus candle, check . . . . WTF? So now were mixing religion and Old El Paso taco shells?

     Why are these being sold? granted I do have religious beliefs (Go Catholicism) and the love the Big Guy upstairs, but come on people. This is like Bibles. I used to work for a car rental company, and  when someone left items in a car we would try to hold on to them for a few days for people to come pick them up, but a lot of the time they never did so we would toss em (yea I saw some cool stuff, and some disgusting stuff. Unfortunately I could not throw away . . . a Bible. . .  even more unfortunate was that no one else in my office could do it either, so we ended up with a drawer full of Bibles. I am talking big ones, white ones, picture Bibles, Old Testament Bibles, and miniature Bibles. Any kind of Bible you wanted we had. And there they stayed.

      So back to the task at hand, why the heck (yes I censored myself) are we selling Jesus next to Zaterians Jambalya Mix? Honestly is that what people are buying? I can’t get Dominicks to stock my organic apple juice, but I can get a Jesus candle anytime I want! Is there such an overwhelming demand for these candles that they take up shelf space of let say . . .actual food? Think about it . . . . these candles were not short so they have to burn for at least forty hours. How often are you burning the Jesus candle to need a new one? Food For thought . . . .

The Lord

Till Next Time,

    HG

 

UPDATE: MY FRIEND STEPHANIE AND I WERE SHOPING IN WALMART FOR BATHROOM RUGS (I KNOW I’M OFFICIALLY UNCOOL) AND LOW AND BEHOLD A WHOLE AISLE OF JESUS CANDLES AND WHAT DOES STEPHANIE SAY? “I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THOSE”, MYSTERY SOLVED TO WHO PURCHASED THIS CRAP, CASE CLOSED.

Hey Chicago Whadya Say?

CUBS FRICKEN WON SATURDAY!!!!!!

Good Morning all,

     The Chicago Cubs did it! And we are well on our way to the World Series people!!!! I can not wait to see if the Sox can pull it our of their rears and make this a cross town classic so we can kick some arse in the World Series! I was so happy to hear this that I put a little tribute video up here, it’s one of my favorites. Enjoy!!! Go Cubs!   

Sarah Palin . . . Fading into the Red, White, and Blue Backround

Morning all,

     So as of this morning CNN (love it) is reporting that Republican  Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin’s approval ratings are declining, and not slowly either. “Palin’s favorable rating is at 40 percent, according to a CBS News/New York Times poll. That’s down 4 points from last week. Her unfavorable rating is at 30 percent, rising 8 points in a week.” according to www.cnn.com.

      Really!  . . . Shocking . . . . . Ok not shocking at all. so out of the blue McCain picks this nice looking, mother from Alaska to be “A heartbeat away from the Presidency” (this slogan is getting old people). Well great, a women, a mother, a ball buster . . . AWESOME! (yep I said it . . . and here it comes) BUT, what about all the crazy shit that has been spewed about her, it’s been like two weeks and she is surrounded by controversy?

     So I am all for a women being VP or the President, that would be a great thing for our country and for women everywhere, BUT (I know again!) don’t we want it to be the right woman? Don’t we want a woman to stand up for our country without drama, and controversy spinning around her. Don’t we deserve a candidate who focuses on the issues and the current status of our country? Or at least someone who has more to say besides how they’re gonna shake up Washington or how awesome Hockey moms are . . . .

     Sarah Palin may be a great mother, a great friend, an excellent hunter, or even a good Governor, but in my opinion (yep only me) I am wondering what else is she bringing to the table? What is she going to do for the people who just lost their jobs down on Wall Street? Or the recent college graduates who are looking for a job after busting their arse through four years of college? Her partner in this race (Johnny boy) is still labeling our economy as “strong” . . . are you fricken kidding me John?

     So seriously how is it possible that Palin’s ratings are going down? I mean she seems like the perfect candidate and all. . . who doesn’t like a VP whose got a new scandal every week. If I wanted Britney Spears to run for VP I would have thrown her a fundraiser, get your crap together people, and look at the issues, not at the candidates gender.

     Sarah Palin may be great woman, but we need  great leaders, is she really one of them?

Till Next Time,

HG

Is this live?

I saw this and laughed, no other explanation. . .

 

Next Time,

HG

The Devil Has Left The Building . . . .

Good Morning,

     So Imagine my surprise yesterday upon entering the gym and meeting up with chad (my trainer) when he springs it on me . . . he is leaving my gym . . . and this would be our last session together. I am sure I stopped breathing for a second (WTF). The devil was leaving me . . . and I was sad, I still am sad.

     I finally decided I was go to get back in shape this year and I have stuck with my personal training sessions everytime (I have been known to be a quitter in my younger days) and now he was quitting on me, again WTF. So during our one hour session from Hell I randomly would get sad and try to milk it, to let my screaming muscles rest for even a few seconds longer. This is sad but true.

     So with Chad leaving to “go to school full time” I needed a new trainer here were my choices . . .

• Tony- The goofy 15 year old looking new guy who was paying more attention to his text messages that my session yesterday (he observed).
• Corey- A really cute blond girl who Chad nicknamed “The Virus” because she made four people throw up last week in there first sessions . . . . . . seriously?
• and Rod who is starting today and I have never met.

     So who to choose . . . Ah I think Tony thanks. I don’t think I want to throw up, and I think anyone with the name Rod who just force me to ridicule him as he beat me down. So Tony will be the new trainer and I will have to evaluate his nickname next week when we meet, but I am pretty sure already I will dislike him . . . profusely. So as I was leaving the gym to schedule my next appointment with Chad he told me the real reason he was leaving . . . .

     Could it be he was having liposuction or pregnant (yes I asked him, he said no). Nope it’s because Mr. chad had been having “relations” with a coworker and did not want himself or her to get in trouble. I told him obviously he should break up with her and continue to be my trainer. . . that’s didn’t work so I offered more money (at this point I know you think I am crazy due to the amount I have complained about the devil you’d think I don’t like him, but he pushes me and he lets me swear at him) but he said no. So Next Tuesday I have a date with Tony and he better be ready because I am going to be one sassy customer…. hopefully It won’t be so bad. . .

So Till Next time,

HG